What balance looks like for me : 7 years (knowingly) managing bipolar disorder
I often say that my bipolar disorder diagnosis helped me better manage and prioritize my mental health. What I really mean is, it was a serious enough life event to make me stop and realize that finding balance wasn’t optional. If I didn’t figure out a way to navigate my world, but with my bipolar disorder in mind, I’d certainly have another manic episode. And the spiral unfortunately just continues from there. With every episode adding more distrust in yourself and your mind. And potentially blowing up parts of your life without your permission.
Lucky for me, I was terrified of becoming manic again. So finding balance wasn’t optional. It was the only option. Medication was the first layer.
If you’re reading this and have a mental health diagnosis yourself, I think it’s important to note that you should only take advice on what medications to try from a certified professional. I don’t think there’s any value in sharing what medications I’m specifically on, because the combination, dose, etc will all work differently in someone else’s body. What might be helpful to know, is that I believe I’ll be on medication for the rest of my life. My inpatient doctor shared that he believes actively managing bipolar disorder requires medication - in almost all cases, the combination of 2.
I’m very lucky that my body took to the first combination of meds my doctor prescribed. And the side effects were minimal, and easy to live with. I know this is not the case for MANY people - and if that’s you, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. But I’m hopeful you will find the right fit! And medication is just a piece of the puzzle. But it’s an important one for me.
Now that we’ve addressed that - all the other things I do to create and maintain balance are actions and behaviors anyone can do, diagnosis or not. And I’d argue, integrating balance into your life BEFORE it’s forced upon you, will make you realize how valuable it is. And how much it can actually enhance your productivity and effectiveness.
The foundation = sleep. Before I was hospitalized and diagnosed with bipolar disorder I would often sleep 4-5 hours a night and think nothing of it. I didn’t feel tired when I woke up, or throughout the day, so what would be the problem? (Rise and grind is rewarded - remember?)
It was mostly the fact that I didn’t feel tired, but also, I got SO much done. I worked hard, spent time with friends, traveled 50% of the time for work and honestly felt like I did it with ease. Except for the 3-4 times a year I would reach a breaking point at the end of a work trip, conference or event. I would cry and shake for 20-30 minutes, before getting some sleep, and then spend 2+ days vegging TV on my couch.
The reason it never became a thing, or was something I seriously addressed was because all of the breaking points happened at the end of “curtain call”. I would NEVER break down ON a work trip, or DURING an event. I would always make it through first! So no problem, right?
Wrong. You need sleep. Period. No matter how old you are, how well you eat, how often you exercise, none of it matters if you don’t sleep. I’m going to caveat these tips with the fact that one of my bipolar medications makes me sleep. And my decision on when to take my pills every day, determines when my body starts to shut down. Whether I want to or not. And if things are ramping up, or I feel a lot of energy late at night, I can take a little extra, and ensure I get at least SOME sleep. But the kind of sleep most of you likely consider a good night.
So let's quickly get into some sleep knowledge and tips. The most important things you need to know about sleep : you should be getting 7-9 hours. Yes, daily. You can’t make up for lost sleep, but you can sleep bank. I’ll post more on that this month. In the meantime - working to go to bed and wake up at the same time every day will help your overall sleep health.
Going to sleep earlier will always improve your sleep quality. Even if you know you can sleep in until 9am, going to bed at midnight will almost always get you less quality sleep than 10pm-7am (for example). Eating (and drinking alcohol) before bed prevents your heart rate from dropping, getting you good, deep sleep. I’m bad at this one, but my Oura ring tries to inform me.
If you’re having a hard time falling asleep, try giving yourself a sleep routine. Some people like to shower or do a skincare routine at night to wind down. Many say not to look at screens right before bed - especially social media, where you’re getting so many different emotions served up so quickly. I think the most important thing you can control is not laying in bed and scrolling.
Keep your bed for sleep. This sounds funny, but it really is a crucial step in quality and predictive sleep. You don’t want to lay in bed for hours before falling asleep, just like you don’t want to lay in bed for hours after you wake up. It’s best to decompress, lounge, etc. in another space and when you feel tired, go to your bed. My Oura ring taught me about latency too. How long it takes you to fall asleep once you lay down. Ideally you’re in the 10-20 minute range.
I personally like to turn on a Calm “deep sleep” meditation. I have 3-4 that I rotate between depending on the length I think I’ll need to fall asleep. Aside from starting the meditation, I don’t use my phone in bed. If I wake up in the middle of the night, I turn a meditation back on and fall back asleep. But if I wake up and plan to open any app on my phone, I first get out of bed and do that in the living room, kitchen, etc.
Final sleep tips : darkness really does matter - get a sleep mask. Cooler is better for most people, so invest in some good sheets or a nice fan. Loving sleep is a super power. And if you’re worried about the hours you’re giving up - time you could be working while the kids are sleeping - I get it. Start by just giving yourself 30 minutes back. See how it feels, and if the email was better crafted in the morning.
Sleep is my foundation, but it’s not the only tool in my toolbelt when it comes to being balanced. The most important tool is giving yourself the power (and grace) to cancel/reschedule/change ANYTHING on your schedule. And I mean that.
When you’re hospitalized due to a manic episode, and then checked into a mental health hospital for a week, you realize that the world goes on just fine without you. I imagine it’s what getting hit by a bus would be like. Or finding out you have a brain tumor that’s inoperable. It makes you realize that at any point in time, something else could cause you to have to cancel/reschedule/change the plans for the day.
So if you have any reason at all that you need to do that, you don’t need someone else to tell you the reason is important enough. I’m giving you the permission slip right now. Because let me ask you this - how often has someone reached out to you to cancel/reschedule/change something, and you've been angry at them? You probably appreciated the time back in your day, right? So if you wake up and decide you need to cancel all your calls and sit on the couch to watch Real Housewives, I’m ok with that! Especially if it makes you feel like you can breathe.
BUT, I also subscribe to the get outside before you get on the couch mentality. I have the pleasure of feeding & housing 2 large boxers who require time outside daily. If it weren’t for them, I’m sure I’d struggle with this tip, but do whatever it takes for YOU to get outside. I think a good walk is nice, but if you just stand outside for 15 minutes with your head toward the sun I’ll be proud of you. And you also have to do it on days the sun isn’t out. Sorry.
Before I breeze too quickly past that “cancel anything” tid-bit, let me close it out by saying : in moderation, and ‘for empowerment’. You don’t need a specific reason to cancel your day and give yourself time, space … a break. BUT, you need to appreciate the space you give yourself, and allow it to propel you towards the other end of your ‘break’.
And sometimes you don’t need to cancel the whole day. Just that 1 meeting you’re dreading that’s not time sensitive. Or maybe it’s taking a task off your plate by asking someone else for help. You’d be surprised how many people get joy and fulfillment from helping others. Maybe you just can’t do bedtime with the kids tonight, and instead you need to take yourself to the movies for 2 hours uninterrupted with your phone off. All of these things are balance - because they give you space to breathe and recalibrate. To save the energy you need for later. You’d be surprised how often just the power of being able to cancel empowers you. You might not cancel at all! Maybe you just leave earlier.
Other examples of balance for me :
Drinking AG1 and a smoothie every morning so my body gets good nutrients, but I don’t have to overthink my eating throughout the day. Dieting and restricting is too much emotional labor for me, so I skip it completely.
Not beating myself up for ‘doing nothing’. Taking time to rest is doing something.
Following and maximizing my energy. When I was in corporate, I would have anywhere from 5-15 meetings in a day. Sometimes my last meeting would end at 2pm and I’d go have an early dinner with Tony before getting back on my computer later to work uninterrupted. If you’re not a morning person, don’t try to accomplish the world by 10am. It’s ok if you get started at 10am, if you’re crushing it later in the day.
Managing the urge to multi-task. Quite possibly the hardest tip, but the one you can always come back to. You are not a good multi-tasker. None of us are. Multitasking splits your brain's attention, often causing you to never ‘close the loop’. This leads to scattered thoughts and feelings like “did I finish that?” “Did I forget to lock the door?” and more tangibly, not texting back that person because you read it and moved on before responding.
At the end of the day, balance comes from having awareness about your own life stressors, challenges and unique advantages. As humans, we do a lot of things because we think we’re supposed to. I want you to lean more into what you WANT to do. What would make you feel good. What would you do if no one was judging you.
Not, “what would you do if you never had to work a day in your life again”. Stay realistic with me. What do you need to do today, tomorrow, this week, to feel like you’re in charge of your time, and energy? So that you can choose to pour into the things you want, and ignore the things that are purely distraction.
Balance is thinking about what you NEED to do so you can better support others, show up places, and accomplish things, not at your own expense.
Anything you’d add? Let me know in the comments - or send me a note directly : emily@bipolarbroughtbalance.com
